Old, You are

Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’
‘Cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
And I’m getting older too, oh yes
I’m getting older too

-Landslide

How do you feel about getting old? Me? I am scared and sad. A picture of a lola (grandma) made me write this post. She isn’t my direct grandma from parents but she’s cousins with my grandfather so that makes her a grandma. I saw her photo on my timeline today and it made me sad. I haven’t seen her in ages although I always see her when I was younger, before we lived abroad. That time, she was younger, healthier, and stronger. Now, I see her in her daughter, it’s like their ages are almost alike now, from how I remembered her.

I have been melodramatic about this topic because I feel the same way with my mom. I have been feeling a lot of pain in my body and there are hospitalizations here and there and I began thinking, why do I feel like this? I am still so young to be experiencing chronic diseases then I tried recalling mom back when I was seven, my mom then was 34. I am 36 now and my son’s still four. When I was seven, I remember mom used to bend her body cramping on pain and I remember her taking loads of medications. I wasn’t too young to experience such pain after all. She was 34 at that time. Now I am 36 and she’s 62, I feel like time went by so fast! Where have all the years gone? When I look at my parents, I see that they’ve gotten older with grace, both of them look good, they’re not of perfect health, but they are well-maintained and they do look well. But I just hope they don’t get older so fast. It saddens me to be 36 because it means I’ll be 40 soon and I don’t know where life takes me. I am too young to be 40. I wish to turn back time somewhere when I was younger, I would want to marry my husband earlier and would have planned to conceive earlier, my parents would then be younger.

Looking at photographs used to make me so happy…now I am reminded of how time flew by. I really wish to freeze time.

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