Old, You are

Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’
‘Cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
And I’m getting older too, oh yes
I’m getting older too


How do you feel about getting old? Me? I am scared and sad. A picture of a lola (grandma) made me write this post. She isn’t my direct grandma from parents but she’s cousins with my grandfather so that makes her a grandma. I saw her photo on my timeline today and it made me sad. I haven’t seen her in ages although I always see her when I was younger, before we lived abroad. That time, she was younger, healthier, and stronger. Now, I see her in her daughter, it’s like their ages are almost alike now, from how I remembered her.

I have been melodramatic about this topic because I feel the same way with my mom. I have been feeling a lot of pain in my body and there are hospitalizations here and there and I began thinking, why do I feel like this? I am still so young to be experiencing chronic diseases then I tried recalling mom back when I was seven, my mom then was 34. I am 36 now and my son’s still four. When I was seven, I remember mom used to bend her body cramping on pain and I remember her taking loads of medications. I wasn’t too young to experience such pain after all. She was 34 at that time. Now I am 36 and she’s 62, I feel like time went by so fast! Where have all the years gone? When I look at my parents, I see that they’ve gotten older with grace, both of them look good, they’re not of perfect health, but they are well-maintained and they do look well. But I just hope they don’t get older so fast. It saddens me to be 36 because it means I’ll be 40 soon and I don’t know where life takes me. I am too young to be 40. I wish to turn back time somewhere when I was younger, I would want to marry my husband earlier and would have planned to conceive earlier, my parents would then be younger.

Looking at photographs used to make me so happy…now I am reminded of how time flew by. I really wish to freeze time.

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