In the Chaos

I normally ride with my husband from work to home. Last night, I decided to do something different, I told my husband that I will be riding an uber instead and that we meet each other at home, implying that I was on my way too. But actually, I have some errands to do, I need some shopping for my kid and for ourselves too which is imperative given that it’s my son’s graduation next week and we got nothing to wear yet.

So yeah, I went to the mall with the intention of just grabbing everything I need and leave. I didn’t intend to stay like for an hour? Of course not. But then, as I was strolling down the aisle, I heard a faint “booooooom!” that came with really strong vibrations, like something so heavy fell on the ground.

Due to the fear of explosions, I thought, “was it another missile attack?” But no one at the mall seemed to care. No panic, nothing! No one was even gossiping about it. If it were in the Philippines, ay naku, one loud bang and there’d be chaos, stampede but people yesterday were nonchalant.

So I said to myself, “perhaps it was nothing”.  Then I received a call from an angry husband about my whereabouts since I did imply that I was on my way. He said he called me and I didn’t answer and it got him paranoid but I am certain that he called my office phone instead of my personal mobile number. Gosh.

I just blogged about that situation last 25th of March! Twisted coincidence. It did scare the hell out of me but I am not going to be afraid anymore… For I have a big God who is my refuge, who is my shield, my comforter and my strength.

I am with God!

“No weapon formed against me shall prosper!”

 

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Anxious

When I heard the explosion last 25th of March, I felt like I was just imagining things because living in this place has proven that, this in fact was a safe country. I prayed for the first two explosions to be the last of it, but the succession was fast. I hope that everyone’s safe, I called my family and they were asleep and weren’t answering. I kind of wanted it to be a dream, a nightmare that I can shake away afterwards but it was real.

I prayed to God to keep me safe. I pray to God to extend His grace and provisions to my family. I prayed for the country because inasmuch as it may not want expats anymore, I have grown to love the place and still wish it well.

These days have been really scary. But then I’d quote the verse in Philippians, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

In this case, “of whom shall I be afraid?”

Being Older Scares Me

Seriously, this thought depressed me. It’s not about getting old, it’s about how fast this all happened.  I can still taste mom’s fried chicken that she used to pack for my lunch during my elementary school days… the embotidos and hamonados on Christmas parties… I can still smell the scent of the purse she’s given me in one of my kiddie birthday parties. It smells like synthetic leather!

How can I be 46 in ten years?

Time flies when you’re having fun, doesn’t it; but it depresses me to look through the years that have gone by. Where have all the years gone? I should have made the years count and matter more.

Now I know why my mom some years back had this mortality issues as well, perhaps that’s during the same time she’s begun realizing the speed of time just like the way I am feeling now. I truly hope for the time to slow down. I love living so much that it scares me to lose everything that makes my life worth living!

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At the end of the day, I still remind myself that I live not for my own happiness but to fulfill the commandments of the Lord. I should be living for HIS glory and honor! Indeed, all these are accessories to our existence because we are created for a purpose that is to serve God.

Now that I am starting to realize, perhaps it’s time to live more for the ultimate purpose.